Top 5 Reasons Why People Hate Wrestling

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It’s one of the most popular forms of live event attractions the world abroad, yet it’s regarded as the red-headed stepchild of the entertainment industry. People grow up celebrating it and then kick it to the curb the second “cool” enters their vocabulary queue. Its stars are celebrated as heroes one day and then castigated as TMZ spectacles the next. I’m talking, of course, about professional wrestling. There’s a litany of excuses as to why people hate this pseudo “sport,” but when push comes to shove, the following five stand out as the main reasons:

Just Awful, Awful Music

Need an infusion of the best alternative rock that late 2001 has to offer? Then search no further than the entrance music of Randy Orton and/or the recently retired Edge, both of whom sport musical stylings that would make even P.O.D. and Creed re-consider the horror they had exposed upon the people of Earth. If the sound doesn’t induce an instant coma first, it’ll at least lead to the channel changing. Go on, take a listen and hear for yourself. Our apologies ahead of time for the bloody ears.

Reality-Starved Fanbase

Have you ever waited hours in line for an absurdly hyped, nerd-fest of a movie? How about pulling an all-nighter to buy a new video game console? Better yet, what about waiting with the circus freak crowd that shows up at The Price Is Right? Make no mistakes, the fanbases for these are fantastically fanatical, but in no way, shape or form do they come anywhere close to the reality-starved followers of John Cena and other WWE mainstays. Need a good example? Just ask Chris Jericho.

Incredibly Fake-Looking

Wait—wrestling superstars can run the ropes like Olympic track stars more than 30 minutes into a match, but when it comes to climbing the side of a cage, they turn into a human slug? These athletes can punch and kick and throw like drunken lumberjacks, but the second they have to scale a ladder, they transform into jars of molasses in January? They can bodyslam giants, defeat warriors and quell natural disasters, but they can’t “kick out” when a simple arm lies on their chests? Riiiight…

Xenophobia/Homophobia/Etc.

Only in the world of pro wrestling will you hear a raucous crowd rally by chanting “USA! USA! USA!” all during a match-up between two Canadians. Solely here in this Carnivalian environment can a man dressed in a Speedo and stripper boots question the masculinity and sexuality of another like figure, just seconds after shaving his legs and slathering his body with fake tanner and baby oil. Maybe people simply hate wrestling because it’s about as diverse as a banned episode of He-Man?

Hiding in the Wrestling Closet

Who hasn’t ever been shoehorned into an awesome date by a cheesy pick-up line? What kind of assholes actually forces themselves not to laugh at bad jokes? When has there ever been a time that people couldn’t appreciate the grandeur of camp? More or less, the key reason people claim they hate wrestling is because they secretly love it and don’t want to come out to the world. Sure, it’s silly. Yeah, it’s stupid. And it definitely insults your intelligence. But is it Americana at its finest? You bet your ass.

Elijah Bates is a contributing writer to CBS Local

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