Top 5 Summer BlockBUSTS

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We are knees deep in summer movie season already, but the bulk is yet to come. And while summer movie season provides us with great blockbusters, it has also spawned its fair share (see: tons) of busts. 2011 has been no exception, giving us great films like Super 8 and X-Men: First Class, alongside wastes of time Green Lantern and The Hangover Part II. Let’s take a stroll down memory lane, now, shall we?

Here are the Top 5 Summer BlockBUSTS of all time:

5.  Stealth – dir. Rob Cohen, starring Jamie Foxx, Josh Lucas and Jessica Biel

Stealth was that movie about machines that came to life and humans had to rise up and overcome them against all odds. Sound like a plot that’s already been done? You’re right, and 99% of moviegoers in 2005 agreed. Stealth lost over $100 million, netting just under $30 million at the box office.

4.  The Hangover Part II - dir. Todd Phillips, starring Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis

The Hangover Part II made loads of money. Over $185 million dollars, which more than covered the $80 million production cost. Financially, this sequel is anything but a bust. The problem with this sequel was the fact that it was a near carbon copy of its predecessor (which was one of the biggest surprise hits of all time). After viewing The Hangover Part II in theaters it appeared as though the writers simply used the Find+Replace feature to sub Bangkok for Las Vegas.

3.  Speed Racer – dir. Wachowski Brothers, starring Emile Hirsch and some other people probably.

The Wachowski Brothers rode the Matrix trilogy smoothly into complete creative control, and immediately did all they could to screw that up. Let’s go over the list of crazy-anime-cartoons-turned-good-films. Ok, list over. Speed Racer was a pretty decent way to induce a seizure, though. It also lost over $75 million.

2.  Catwoman – dir. Pitof, starring Halle Berry and Sharon Stone

The equation for this movie is Halle Berry + tight spandex. That sounds unbeatable. Catwoman, however, was quite beatable, losing $60 million at the box office, while simultaneously posing the question, “Why is some guy named Pitof directing a feature film?”

1.  The Adventures of Pluto Nash – dir. Ron Underwood, starring Eddie Murphy and Jay Mohr

Who would have thought that the man who directed such classics as Tremors and The Mouse and the Motorcycle: an ABC Weekend Special could create a bad film? The Adventures of Pluto Nash grossed a fathomable $7.1 million (on a reported budged of $100 million), which likely wasn’t even enough money to pay Eddie Murphy to not wear a fat suit on set. Even Randy Quaid looks back on this movie as a bad decision.

Kyle Ayers is an astronaut and craft-fair attendee who hopes someday he won’t have to lie in his byline. Follow him @kyleayers on twitter

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